Not my code.
Still my page.

Because production doesn’t care who wrote it.

Someone sent you this because the change you’re about to ship is hard to inherit. The diff may be too long, the runtime impact unclear, the ownership fuzzy. Nobody’s sure what actually runs in prod after you merge.

This isn’t about whether the code is good. It’s about whether anyone but you can keep it alive at 2 AM.

## Smells

• The diff is 4,812 lines. The review took six minutes.
• It was AI‑assisted. Ownership wasn’t.
• It quietly adds a queue, a cache, a retry, or a third‑party SDK.
• There are no new traces, no new metrics, no new alerts.
• The rollback plan is revert the commit.
• The test plan is we’ll watch it in prod.

## Before you merge

1. Make it reviewable in five minutes. If you can’t, split it.
2. Name who gets paged. Put their handle in the PR.
3. Name what changes at runtime — which calls, which queues, which retries.
4. Show how you’ll see it failing before a customer does.
5. Show how to roll it back without scheduling a meeting.

AI didn’t eliminate the work. It moved it to whoever is on call.

You don’t have to write code by hand. You do have to ship it like a human still has to keep it alive.